


Amulet Roulette

by Kedreeva



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Amulets, Body Swap, Curses, Humor, M/M, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 11:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12605156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kedreeva/pseuds/Kedreeva
Summary: Stiles finds a cursed amulet. Then he finds another.





	Amulet Roulette

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission for HystericBlue for the Fandom Loves Puerto Rico Charity Auction.
> 
> The prompt was a screenshot of a tweet which read something like: “Drive up to a yard sale and yell out the window “DO YOU HAVE ANY HAUNTED AMULETS” and then turn to the dog in your backseat and yell “I’m GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!” "

 

 

 

The camaro climbed onto the only open space in front of the yard sale, a patch of grass between the sidewalk and the street. In the back seat, Derek began to growl, and Stiles ignored him in favor of rolling down the window to address the startled-looking homeowner. She was still standing at the house, eyes wide, and Stiles was not _quite_ used to his body yet, so when he shouted, he _shouted_.

“EXCUSE ME!” Wincing, he lowered his voice, thinking he might have a better idea why Derek always spoke in such low tones. “Sorry,” he called at a better decibel. “Do you happen to have any amulets? Like, necklaces?”

“I don’t… I don’t think so?” called the lady, looking down at the table in front of her and then across the short aisle between folding tables. “I’m not selling any jewelry.”

Behind him, Derek began to bark. Loudly. “I’m sorry, can you just check real quick?” Stiles asked over the noise. “Like maybe someone left – DEREK SHUT UP, I AM _GETTING_ THE SPELL REVERSED – Look, can you just check if someone maybe left a necklace in your stuff? It’s bronze and triangular?”

Derek did not stop barking as the lady very confusedly stood and began to glance over her stuff. Stiles couldn’t blame her. He was already getting a headache, and Derek seemed intent on not helping. Stiles couldn’t blame him, either. This wasn’t Derek’s fault. This wasn’t anyone’s fault. It definitely was not Stiles’ fault.

Except for the part where it was entirely Stiles’ fault, for picking up the necklace in the first place, and definitely Stiles’ fault for affixing it around Derek’s neck as a present. Though, considering that they had swapped bodies with one another immediately afterward, blame got kind of difficult to assign. Did it stay with Stiles’ body? Or follow Stiles’ mind? It all got kind of fuzzy. Like, hulking golden retriever fuzzy, after Stiles had later on found another amulet and put it on Derek-in-Stiles’-body in an attempt to reverse the effect. It had not. It really, really had not.

In the passenger seat, Stiles’ phone began to ring, and Stiles snatched it up, hoping desperately that Scott was having better luck than him. He had called for help as soon as they swapped bodies, and the group had determined that someone had decided to play a supernatural prank on the denizens of Beacon Hills during their yearly garage sale week by placing cursed amulets among the everyday items at sales.

“Well?” Stiles said, instead of hello. “Did you find any?”

“Derek?” Scott asked, and then made a noise. “No, wait, Stiles. I forgot.”

“Did you find any more?” Stiles asked again. “Things are… worse.”

“Worse?” Scott said incredulously. “Worse than swapping bodies with Derek?”

In the backseat, Derek began to bark again.

“Much worse,” Stiles told him. “So?”

“Yeah, we found four more,” Scott said quickly, and someone said something in the background that Stiles could not understand. “Lydia called to say there should only be thirteen of them. Twelve chaos spell amulets, and one null spell amulet.”

“And I don’t suppose one of the four you found is the null amulet?” Stiles asked hopefully, over the sound of Derek barking.

“No,” Scott said hesitantly. “It’s probably with whoever is dropping them off. We can deal with that part once we safely have the others.”

Stiles caught a motion from the corner of his eye, and noticed the lady hosting the yard sale was moving toward him. “I gotta go,” Stiles said, and hung up before leaning out of his window and offering what he hoped was a charming smile.

She held up her hand, and an amulet dropped out of her palm, catching at the end of its chain and dangling in the air. “This… is not mine,” she said, still sounding confused.

“Tell me about it,” Stiles said tiredly, and held out his hand to take it from her. “Someone stole a bunch of jewelry from a friend of mine and has been leaving it at sales. We’re not sure why.”

She glanced over at Derek, who had finally shut up and was just staring _very, very intently_ at her with his nose to the glass, and then she looked back to Stiles. “Well, good luck,” she said, and fled.

Stiles really, _really_ could not blame her.

 

* * *

 

Not everyone Stiles spoke to that afternoon was as pleasant or as helpful. One guy wanted $20 for the amulet that was not even his to begin with, but Stiles paid it out of Derek’s wallet amid much barking, and when it turned all of both their hairs pink, he did not apologize.

“It looks good on you,” he said, and Derek hackled. “Pink is really your color.”

Four hours and dozens of yard sales later, the team had assembled all of the amulets. Scott and Allison were arguing in tongues, Erica was currently an electric blue… well, Stiles wasn’t sure what exactly she was, except small and furry and _pissed off_ , with no less teeth than before but much fewer reservations about using them. Stiles thought that Boyd was missing, until he saw the body, at which point he thought Boyd was _dead_ , until Isaac spoke up to say that no, Boyd was hanging out in Isaac’s head, and neither of them were happy about it.

Lydia seemed to be the only one unaffected, sitting at her kitchen table with a text open in front of her. Her parents were out of town this weekend and so her house had been designated the place to solve this mishap. Stiles was very careful not to reduce it to a mishap aloud, lest anyone remember he started this.

To be fair, it would have started anyway. They should be happy someone who could fix it had been the first one to use an amulet. It would have taken them a lot longer to ferret out all of the amulets after the sales ended.

“So do we have any lead at all on the null amulet?” Isaac asked tiredly.

“Arkayi royo lavina Shrop!” Allison said from across the room, breaking her argument with Scott to address Isaac, who cowered a little away from her tone more than the nonsensical words.

“Do you think they can understand each other?” Stiles asked, snatching his hand away when Derek snapped canine jaws at him and hissed like a cat. Stiles wisely did not laugh at him. “I’m just _asking_.”

“It’s likely,” Lydia said, without looking up. She turned the page, looked at the back of it, and turned it back. “Like you can understand Derek.”

“I can’t understand Derek,” Stiles said, looking down at the hot pink golden retriever sitting at his heel.

Lydia looked up. “You can’t?”

“He’s a dog,” Stiles said, in case Lydia couldn’t see that for herself. God, he really hoped he was not the only one who could see Derek was a dog right now.

She looked down, and Derek meowed at her. “Ah,” she said, and turned back to her book without further comment on the issue. “Well, we don’t know where the null amulet is, but I think I might be able to find out who has it.”

“You can?” Stiles asked, peering over at the book as if the answer might be inside, even though that was ridiculous. The text looked ancient, there was no way it contained any kind of information about current day Beacon Hills.

“It’s a library book,” Lydia said, flipping it so Stiles could see the slip of paper in a folder in the front of the book, with a list of names on it. The library in Beacon Hills was very old fashioned. “The last name on this list is _probably_ the person who did it.”

So, Stiles was wrong. The book _did_ contain information about current day.

“Doreen Cooper,” Lydia read.

“Tovoshtori gapach?” Scott asked. Allison nodded along.

“I have no idea what that means,” Stiles said, pointing finger guns at both of them. “But let’s go find Doreen.”

 

* * *

 

Doreen, as it turned out, was far more difficult to find than the amulets had been. They found her address quickly, and Lydia agreed to stay on watch for her return while the others went looking. They did not find her out and about before sundown, and she never came back to her house. Allison eventually joined Lydia, and everyone else retreated to Derek’s loft to sleep and avoid awkward questions.

Stiles and Scott carefully laid Boyd’s unconscious body down on one side of the loft, out of the way. Scott and Isaac took the bed, silent because Scott was still speaking gibberish and Isaac had a killer headache from having two consciousnesses crammed into his head. Erica jumped up beside Isaac, chittering angrily the entire time, and curled up at the foot of the bed, tucking her long, blue tail over her nose. They were all asleep quickly, leaving Stiles alone with Derek.

Stiles occupied his attention for a little while digging through Derek’s surprisingly well-stocked fridge. He managed to find leftovers from the excellent Chinese place down the street, and pulled a couple of frozen chicken patties from the freezer to heat and give to Derek, since they didn’t have any dog food. He didn’t think Derek would have appreciated the joke anyway.

Plopping down on the couch without even bothering to warm his own food, Stiles ate quickly and just set the empty container on the floor. It was late, and everyone else was asleep and Derek was a pink golden retriever that was staring at him expectantly and Stiles was in Derek’s body and it suddenly just felt like too much. He couldn’t even talk to Scott about any of it like he would normally do, even if Scott woke up right this instant.

So instead, Stiles laid down on the couch and held out one hand to Derek and promised himself he wouldn’t even tease Derek about the way he nuzzled under Stiles’ palm for petting. Stiles just stroked over his unfairly soft ears and rubbed at Derek’s jaw and closed his eyes.

“Why can’t we just have normal problems?” Stiles mumbled, digging fingers into Derek’s thick, warm coat. “Like not knowing where to go to dinner or what movie the gang wants to see or relationship drama like so-and-so broke up with you-know-who.”

Derek meowed softly.

“Yeah,” Stiles agreed. “You’re right. I would hate a normal life.”

Derek meowed again, and set his head on the edge of the couch.

Stiles met his eyes, still that same shade of blue-hazel-grey, and smiled lopsidedly. “I am sorry, you know. About getting us into this.”

With a small noise, Derek licked Stiles’ palm, and even though Stiles couldn’t understand him, he got the drift. If it hadn’t been them, it would have been someone else. Derek hated when people got hurt, if he could take it instead. It was one of the things Stiles loved and hated about him.

“I’m gonna get us out of this,” Stiles promised, smoothing a hand over the dome of Derek’s head. “Promise.”

Derek meowed, and meowed and meowed, and began to climb up onto the couch with him. Stiles laughed and scooted and rearranged himself as best as he could until Derek could join him, even though there wasn’t really room. At least, he thought as he fell asleep only minutes later, it seemed as if Derek forgave him.

 

* * *

 

Though it took them another two days, Isaac finally found Doreen Cooper. She and some of her friends had been lying low since ditching the amulets at the garage sales, hoping to see the aftermath of the curses. After not seeing anything weird happen, they had chalked it up to all being fake, and Doreen had come home to find their intensely strange group waiting for her.

She did not argue about turning over the null amulet to them, and apologized profusely until they left. Lydia suggested that, given the state of Derek and Erica’s undress, and a possible need for proximity to Boyd’s body, they wait until they got back to the loft to undo everything.

Thankfully, undoing everything was only a function of putting all of the pendants onto the null amulet’s chain, and wearing the necklace. Isaac took the first turn, to return Boyd to his own body, since none of them knew how long before irreversible damage would occur. Erica took it next, disappearing around a corner to transform and change into clothing they’d gotten for her.

Scott and Allison were both cured when Scott put on the null amulet, and they cleared out along with the betas. Lydia hung around a beat longer, to tell Stiles to bring the whole shebang to her when he was back to normal, and then she left them alone to deal with fixing their problems.

As soon as they were alone again, Stiles slipped the necklace over his head and instantly found himself back in his own very human and very _naked_ body, sitting sprawled on Derek’s floor. Derek was standing above him, back to wearing normal, black hair instead of the hot pink he’d been sporting for days. Stiles smiled, and Derek smiled back, looking relieved.

“I promised,” Stiles said, reaching for the towel he’d set down beside Derek before swapping, and wrapping it around his waist.

Derek opened his mouth, and meowed. Stiles belly dropped, until Derek started to laugh. “Just kidding,” Derek said, holding out a hand to help Stiles to his feet.

“Asshole,” Stiles said, grabbing at his hand and pulling. Derek let himself be pulled down to his knees, one on either side of Stiles’ legs. “You are such an asshole.”

“Payback’s a bitch,” Derek said, leaning in to kiss Stiles. “Maybe next time you remember our anniversary instead of buying a cursed amulet last-second at a garage sale?” Derek suggested.

“Definitely,” Stiles agreed. “I will definitely do that. Truce?”

Derek shook his head a little, and moved in to kiss Stiles. “You’re gonna make it up to me tonight,” he mumbled against Stiles’ lips.

“Now _that_ ,” Stiles said, grinning, “is a curse I can _get behind_.”

Derek just made a pained noise, and kissed him again anyway.


End file.
